I'll Be At Church Likely

This comedic two-person play follows Sammy and Moose, two friends lounging on a couch, watching a football game while discussing their reasons for not attending church. Their conversation humorously highlights the justifications they use to stay home, such as being "too busy with work" or needing to catch up on household chores.

As the game unfolds, they casually acknowledge that their wives and kids are at church, and they even express opinions about how important Sunday School is for children—while ironically skipping church themselves. They also joke about how inconvenient it is for church to be scheduled on Sundays, suggesting that it should be moved to another day to avoid conflicts with sports. However, as they run through all possible alternatives, they find that nearly every day is occupied by some sporting event or activity.

Cast:  two males, any age

No special set, sound or lighting

Props: couch at center stage, coffee table with chips and coke

Costumes: leisure clothing, sports sweaters

Run-time: 5

Sample of script:

Sammy and Moose are watching TV, which is at a mimed location downstage.

(Actors never take their eyes off “TV” throughout the entire drama.)

SAMMY: Oh, man! Moose, will ya just look at that bonehead move Garcia made that time?

MOOSE: What was the 49ers thinkin’ of bringin’ in a quarterback outta Canada?

SAMMY: Garcia’s a Canadian?

MOOSE: Born stateside, but went up into Canada, played in somethin’ called Canadian Football League would you believe!

SAMMY: Really?

MOOSE: Played with somethin’ called Calgary Stampeders I hear.

SAMMY: Stampeders? Sounds to me like a buncha farmers!

MOOSE: Yippee yahhhh! Here come the horses stampedin’!

SAMMY: Stampeders! Gotta be the dumbest name I ever heard for a football team!

MOOSE: Give me good ol’ he-man NFL team names every time!

SAMMY: Like Cowboys.

MOOSE: Yeh, or Colts, Broncos.

SAMMY: Even Chargers! But Stampeders! Like “here come the horses!”

MOOSE: Ya got that right! Hey, can I get you another Coke?

SAMMY: I’m still OK here. Where’s Helen at today?

MOOSE: Actually, she’s at church.

SAMMY: Same with my Trudy, at church.

MOOSE: Ask you a question? Trudy didn’t try to get you to go to church with her?

SAMMY: Sure did, and I woulda gone too, just so jammed up with work right now!

MOOSE: Same. Seems like wives sometimes don’t understand how hard we guys work. Seems like Sunday mornings is only time we get to catch up on all the chores here around the house. More chips?

SAMMY: Open your eyes Garcia! You got a guy wide open! Oh man! Sacked again!

MOOSE: Now they gotta punt it away! Three and out all the time!

SAMMY: Hey great punt there! 49ers got ‘em hemmed in deep now.

MOOSE: Defence! Defence!

SAMMY: Helen was bound and determined I would go to church with her and the kids today.

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