Theatrical Logic

By Karl Wagner
Published with permission by DramaShare®

Promo: If you've ever gotten your rights confused with your lefts, your ups with your downs, or thought a drop might actually fall—Theatrical Logic© is your kind of drama. This witty, fast-paced piece delivers a hilarious and oddly accurate crash course in stage speak, perfectly capturing the beautiful absurdity of life behind the curtain.

Packed with clever wordplay and insider references, this monologue-style script is a comedic nod to everyone who’s ever been part of a production—especially those in church or community theatre who wear all the hats (and sometimes the props too).

Whether you're opening a show, celebrating your crew, or need a fun interlude to lighten the mood, this piece will leave your audience laughing, nodding, and saying, “That is SO true.”

Run Time: Approximately 3–5 minutes
Cast: 1 performer (can also be adapted for 2 performers or read as a humorous group reading)
Style: Humorous monologue / light-hearted reflection
Genre: Comedy, Theatre Tribute
Suitable for: All ages, especially actors, tech crews, and anyone who’s ever lived backstage life

In is down, down is front,
out is up, up is back,
off is out, on is in,
and of course -
right is left, and left is right.

A drop shouldn't, and a
block and fall does neither.
A prop doesn't, and
a cove has no water.
Tripping is O.K.

A running crew rarely gets anywhere.
A purchase line will buy you nothing.
A trap will not catch anything.
A gridiron has nothing to do with football.

A Strike is work
(in fact a lot of work).
And a green room, (thank you Lord), usually isn't.
Now that you are fully versed in theatrical terms,
Break a leg...
but not really!

I have had a couple of requests, so here is the clarification of the "poem". . . . . for those who don’t understand:

To "fly" something "in", is to lower it down on the stage to be seen and or used.
"Down" is downstage and it is at the front of the stage.
To fly something "out" is to raise it up out of the way.
"Up" is upstage and it is the back of the stage.

Want to see how the story unfolds? DramaShare members get this complete script— and access to our entire library—free! Not a member? You can still grab this individual script and bring it to life.