The Old Maids

Waiting for Mr or Miss "Right to come into our lives. This comedy is a spoof on church "singles" groups and the sometimes frustrating waiting for the right person to come along. Since the pressures of waiting and of dating are real, this will hit home with all who have gone, (and all who presently are going), through this bittersweet period of life.

Three single young ladies discuss singleness, being alone, waiting, (not patiently), for Mr Right. Young adults, singles, dating, peer pressure, choosing a life mate.

Cast:  3 could be m or f late teens - mid 20's

Bible Reference:  Matthew 19

Set:

• apartment shared by 3 young ladies
• wall will be wallpapered in a bright floral design with a "window" complete with flowery curtains.
• Furniture should be unmatched, rather worn, as would be seen in struggling young people's quarters.

Lighting:        spotlights

Sound:     wireless mics if available

Song:     none

SFX:  none

Costumes:      Laurel & Garland, leisure clothes, Laura business clothes

Props:     magazines, paint brush and easel

Special Instructions:   none

Time:  20

(Scene: Laurel is painting, Garland is reading. They are both seated. The atmosphere is calm but tense.)

LAUREL: Garland, did you bring in the mail yet?

GARLAND: The mail?

LAUREL: Yes, the mail. Remember, I asked you to do that an hour ago when the mailman came!

GARLAND: Oh! That mail!

LAUREL: Well?

GARLAND: Hmmm. Well, what?

LAUREL (annoyed): Well, are you going to get the mail?

GARLAND: Oh, I get it! You wanted me to get the mail!

LAUREL: Not much gets by you, is there?

GARLAND: Nope!

(Pause. Neither moves. Laurel continues painting. Garland keeps reading. Silence lingers. Laurel scowls at Garland.)

LAUREL: Garland! What gives with you? Do you or do you not intend to get the mail?

GARLAND (with total confusion): I thought I made it crystal clear that I definitely plan that indeed I shall get the mail.

(Garland looks at Laurel, shakes head, and returns to reading. Laurel tries to concentrate, sighs, puts down her brush, wipes her hands with a cloth, then throws the cloth on the floor, disgusted.)

LAUREL: That does it!

GARLAND: Whatever is wrong, Laurel? I must say, you look agitated!

LAUREL: Agitated? Agitated?! I look agitated, do I? Well, I should hope I look agitated! Maybe if just once I could get a straight answer out of you, it would help!

GARLAND (confused): A—straight—answer? A straight answer on what question, may I ask?

LAUREL (furious, speaking slowly and precisely): WHEN—WILL—YOU—GET—THE—MAIL?

GARLAND: Strange you should mention that! I’m just reading up on that very subject.

LAUREL (very annoyed): You are reading up on how to get the mail?! Give me that book! Give me that book! (Snatches book, reads cover.) "Finding Your Life Partner." What has that got to do with getting the mail?!

GARLAND (dreamy): It has full instructions on getting… THE MALE.

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