Written by: Grant (Les) Leslie Slone

Hophni and Phinehas are feeling pretty confident. The Philistines are approaching, but this time the brothers have brought something they are sure will guarantee victory: the Ark of the Covenant.

There is just one problem. They have mistaken possessing something holy for actually living in obedience to God.

The Further Adventures of Hophni and Phinehas uses broad humor, outrageous confidence, an enormous instruction manual, and a rapidly approaching Philistine army to bring the story of 1 Samuel 4 to life. As their foolproof battle plan begins to fall apart, Hophni and Phinehas discover that the Ark is not a magic weapon and God will not be manipulated for their purposes.

Funny, energetic, and easy to stage, this skit gives churches a memorable way to explore obedience, presumption, and the danger of expecting God's blessing while ignoring His authority.

NOTE: This may not be QUITE how the real story goes! But it tells the story in a humorous and lively way!

Run Time: Approximately 5 to 7 minutes
Cast Number: 5 to 10 males
Biblical Reference: 1 Samuel 4:10
Setting: Eve of battle between Israel and the Philistines
Props: Ark of the Covenant representation, sunglasses, oversized scroll or instruction manual, sword, spear, optional battle props
Category: Biblical Comedy, Old Testament, Obedience, Consequences, Christian Living

Sample Script

Hophni: Look! Here comes the Philistine General.

Phinehas: Must be time for the pre-fight threats and insults.

Hophni: I love this part, Phinehas. But don't you think we should pass this up this time? I mean, we have been on a losing streak against these guys.

Phinehas: HEY! We're the Israelite Army. Not the CUBS. We expect TO WIN!

Enter the Philistine General.

Philistine Gen.: HAIL LOSERS! Why not surrender now and save yourself the trouble?

Hophni: Your mother was a HITTITE!

Philistine Gen.: Is that the best you've got? We've been kicking your lame butts from here to Judea. What makes you think it's going to stop now?

Phinehas: First of all, we brought the WHOLE army of Israel.

Philistine Gen.: Feigning fear. OOH! I'M SCARED!

Phinehas: And if you look to our right, you'll see THE ARK OF THE COVENANT, which ensures our total victory and your toasty defeat.

Philistine Gen.: You would use the Ark of unspeakable power against us?

Real fear.

Phinehas: Yup!

Hophni: We've got an Ark, and it's the Ark that melted your dear old Dad.

Philistine Gen.: Insolent dog! I'm going to shove those words down your throat!

Hophni: You and what army?

Philistine Gen.: The enormous Philistine one... right over there.

Hophni: OH!

Philistine Gen.: You might have the Ark, but we loathe you both and will defy your rule or die in the attempt.

Turns and leaves slowly.

Phinehas: Works for me.

Hophni: Here's a helpful hint. Try some sunblock. SPF 5,000,000 ought to do it because you're going to roast.

Philistine Gen.: BAH!

Exits.

Phinehas: Good one, Hophni. Now let's get the Ark working before they come back here and kill us all.

Hophni: Good idea! Oh boy, are they gonna get it!

Moves to the Ark.

Hophni: It won't be long now till it's frying time.

Phinehas: READY! UNCOVER ARK... AVERT EYES!

They turn away and don sunglasses, then face forward

Phinehas: Okay, GOD... SIC 'EM!

Hophni: Look at 'em... running away like rats... HA!

Phinehas: Hey! They've stopped... shouldn't they be on fire or melting or something?

Hophni: You would think so. Oh look, they're coming this way.

Phinehas: OH NO! The Ark isn't working... Something's wrong!

Hophni: They seem to be angry about something.

Phinehas: Quick! THE MANUAL!! We'll be up to our necks in Philistines in a minute!

Hophni: Pulls out an impossibly long instruction manual scroll. Let's see...

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