The Driver's Seat

We can have great confidence when we know, and respect, who is in control.

This comedy is all about a group of new students at the Extra-Dextra School of Zero Visibility Driving Experiences who find that it is a scary experience when the instructor is pretty much legally blind, but things quickly improve with a new instructor. And it does prove the belief that we can fly blind if we know who is at the controls.

Could be additional non-speaking actors

Cast: 5 m or f

• Instructor (very not with it)
• Eagle (trainer, worse than Instructor)
• Stacy, trainee
• Kim, trainee
• Jo, trainee
• Jess, trainee

Bible Reference: Luke 9:23-26

Set:

• Bare with chairs

Sound: wireless mics if available

Song: none

Lighting: standard

SFX: none

Props:

• dark glasses, papers

Costumes: standard

Special Instructions: none

Time: 15

Sample of script:

Scene Opens

(All actors except Eagle and Jess are on stage. The Instructor stands at the front, leading the session.)

Instructor: Good day, students. Welcome to the Extra-Dextra School of Zero Visibility Driving Experiences. Headquartered here in the heart of scenic (name of your city), Extra-Dextra School—or EDS, as it is lovingly called—provides clients with the ultimate in automobile driving practice and familiarization.

Our graduates include such well-known names-in-the-news as Teddy Rosenkratz, Jenna Read, Daniel Dickson, and...

Stacy: Excuse me...

Instructor (frowns): Normally, we request that our new students hold their questions. However, go ahead, Stacy—a brief question, please.

Stacy: The only one of those three people I recognize is Daniel Dickson, and he is in the hospital...

Instructor: Of course he is. They all are in the hospital. Now, where was I...

Stacy: Well, Daniel, I believe, was in a car accident and he—

Instructor: Of course he was. They all were. That’s why they were all in the news.

Now, Stacy, I really must say that your questions at this juncture of our training program are really quite disruptive, and I must ask that—

Stacy: Sorry, but if all of those people received driver training here at ADD—

Instructor (now annoyed): That would be EDS!

Stacy: Sorry, EDS... but if they all took their driver training here, and they all are in the hospital from car accidents…

Instructor: Excuse me... What possible connection could you draw from that… other than the fact that part of the first-rate training which we at EDS provide includes familiarization with hospital check-in procedures?

Stacy: I am confused... why would hospital check-in procedures need to be taught in driver training?

Instructor (shakes head, amazed): I cannot believe how naïve emerging drivers are today... Helllooooo! It’s a battle zone out there on the roads!

Perhaps you didn’t realize—a driver is in an accident every twenty-eight seconds!

(Pauses, then chuckles to self.)

We told that guy to quit driving! (laughs uproariously) … That’s an inside joke from us driver training professionals... Get it? Every twenty-eight seconds... told him to quit driving... I crack me up is what!

Speaking of driver training professionals, here comes our ace instructor—Eagle Eye Evans!

Hey, Eagle Eye!

(Eagle enters, bumps into a chair, trips on a trash can.)

Eagle: Ooopsss! Sorry about that! I really do gotta get these glasses changed—seems I’ve been having a lot of trouble walking lately.

Kim (frightened): You... are... an... instructor?

(Eagle looks around, trying to figure out where the voice is coming from. Kim is directly in front of Eagle.)

Eagle: Who said that? Where are you?

Kim: Uhhh... I am, like, right in front of you...

Eagle: Keep talking—I can zone in on you.

Kim: Zone in?

(Eagle reacts to Kim’s voice, reaches out, and feels Kim’s face.)

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