Phobites Anonymous

Living with phobias, living in fear, people in fear of everything, including fear of being in fear.

This nine-part comedy drama, (can be done as individual skits, or as a series), examines some of the phobias associated with church: callaphobia - the fear of full time call of God, Shareaphobia - fear of sharing God, Flopaphobia - the fear of failing, Folksaphobia - fear of parents, Meaphobia - fear of self, Doaphobia - fear of responsibility, Disaphobia - fear of rejection, Croakaphobia - fear of eternity, Zapaphobia - fear of God.

NOTE: we are not in any way minimizing the real effects of phobias.

Cast: 11

• M - male narrator for each segment could be same person or new actors, may be offstage
• F - female narrator for each segment could be same person or new actors, may be offstage
• 1 - 9 the person with the "phobia" in each segment

Bible Reference: 2 Timothy 1:7

Set: blank

Sound: wireless mics if available

Song: none

Lighting: standard

SFX:

• drum roll

Props: Bible

Costumes: standard

Special Instructions: none

Time: 30

SET 1: Calliphobia

(1 enters the stage, nervous, speaking hesitantly.)

1: Good evening, my name is 1, and I, (wipes tear from eyes), am a Phobite.

(Many off-stage voices respond:)

Voices: Hey 1! How are you, 1? Good havin’ you here tonight, 1! Welcome, welcome!

Voice M: Tell us a bit about yourself, 1, and what’s your phobia?

Voice F: Yeah, whatcha all about?

1: Well, this isn’t easy to talk about, but...

Voice M: We know it ain’t, boy, but that’s what Phobites Anonymous is all about. Just take it easy—know you’re among friends here. We all have phobias.

1: That does make it easier, alright. Over the years, I’ve had many phobias. It started when I was a kid—when I first began talking, I developed verbophobia.

Voice F: Poor kid! Fear of words is a tragedy!

1: I know. Seeing or hearing a word made me break out in hives!

Voice M: I gotta tell you, I once suffered from hiveaphobia. That’s what first brought me to PA.

1: PA?

Voice M: Phobites Anonymous.

1: Oh, right. Anyhow, eventually, I got over that. Next, it was sophophobia.

Voice F: Fear of learning is a tough one to overcome.

1: To this day, I don’t know how I finally conquered that one.

Voice M: Did you have friends to help you, boy?

1: No one close, but a friend used to call me on the phone every night.

Voice F: Don’t come near me talking about phones!

Voice M: I didn’t know you had phonophobia!

Voice F: It’s been my Achilles heel for years. Lately, it has developed into cellphonophobia.

1: I started going to church, and that helped some.

Voice M: Me, I can’t go to church. Ecclesiophobia.

Voice F: Fear of churches? Wow! I’ve got homilophobia—fear of sermons.

1: But now I’m really spooked! I think I might have…

(SFX: Drum roll.)

1: …Calliphobia!

Voice F (gasps): No way! It can’t be! I mean, this is awful! I mean, to have calliphobia… that simply means… (pause) what does that mean?

Voice M: Calliphobia—fear of the full-time call of God. A bad one for sure.

Voice F: Is there any known cure?

1 (holds up Bible): Somebody gave me this book. Haven’t tried it yet. Think I’ll give it a shot—what do I have to lose?

Voice F: Good thing you don’t have printophobia like me.

Voice M: But I think you’ve got panophobia.

Voice F: Say it isn’t so! Panophobia—the fear of… everything!

1: Somehow, I’ve gotta overcome my calliphobia. Why do I fear the full-time call of God? Look, I’m gonna go now and read this book. If I find anything, I’ll report back next meeting.

Voice F: You do that, 1. And just remember, we’re all here for you. If you have any trouble, reach out to us. Except not on the phone. And don’t drive over—my vehiculaphobia is driving me wild right now, but you just…

(Voice fades out.)

SET 2: Shareaphobia

(2 enters the stage, nervous, speaking hesitantly.)

2: Good evening. My name is 2, and I am a Phobite.

(Many off-stage voices respond:)

Voices: Hey 2! How are you, 2? Good havin’ you here tonight, 2! Welcome, welcome!

Voice M: Tell us a bit about yourself, 2, and what’s your phobia?

Voice F: Yeah, whatcha all about?

2: Look, maybe this wasn’t such a great idea—me coming here and all. I mean, I’m not like the rest of you guys. My phobias are normal, all under control. I can quit anytime I want to, just like that…

Voice M: Look, kid, I wish I had a penny for every time I heard someone stand right there and say what you just said. Fact is, you’re out of control and need help bad, kid. You can’t make it on your own. That’s what Phobites Anonymous is all about. Just take it easy, settle down, and know we’ve all been there. We all have phobias—we’re just doing something about it. And you can too!