Missions Mash

A laugh-out-loud miscommunication with a meaningful mission message!

When a cowboy named Abraham wanders into town looking for “Rancho Betanchovies,” he kicks off a hilarious string of misunderstandings about gambling, Bible names, and Mexican missions. As the confusion builds and names like Ruth and Noah get tossed around, the real purpose behind his visit finally comes into focus—he’s not here to bet, he’s here to serve!

This light-hearted comedy blends holy humor with heartfelt inspiration as the characters rally around the call to evangelize and prepare for missions work. It’s the perfect reminder that God can use anyone—whether they’re confused, quirky, or just trying to pronounce Betanchovies.

Cast: 6+

• Abraham
• Tracy
• Bill
• Mary
• Helen
• Stan
• (optional) any number of non-speaking roles

Bible Reference: Matthew 9:37-38

Set: standard

Sound: wireless mics if available

Song: none

Lighting: standard

SFX: none

Props: none

Costumes: standard

Special Instructions: none

Time: 9

Sample script:

Abraham (calls out loudly, looking around):
Hellllllllloooooooooooo y’all! Anybody ta home? Don’t seem ta find nobody around these here parts. Where at are y’all?

Tracy (enters, curious):
Did I hear someone calling? Oh, hello there, may I help you please?

Abraham:
Y’all sure ‘nuff kin I reckon. Me, I’m a-lookin fer ta find Rancho Betanchovies.

Tracy (confused):
Well, as you can see if you look around sir, we don’t have any Ranchos, and as for anchovies, well . . .

Abraham (repeating slowly):
Bet . . . anchovies! Bet . . . anchovies!

Tracy (misunderstanding):
Well, we are Christians, so we have nothing whatsoever to do with gambling . . .

Abraham:
Betanchovies! Why it’s got nuthin ta do with gambling, doncha see . . .

Billy (enters cheerfully):
Hi, Tracy, how are you? Who is your friend?

Tracy:
Hi Billy, this here is . . . I’m not real sure, but he is looking for the casino.

Billy (alarmed):
Casino? What are you talking about, Tracy? There’s no casino around here. And you sir, just exactly why are you wanting to gamble? Don’t you understand that gambling isn’t very . . .

Abraham (frustrated):
I’m not talkin’ gamblin’! I just said, “Betanchovies . . . . . . . .”

Billy (sarcastic):
Oh, sure! Start off betting small—peanuts, anchovies—first thing you know . . . well, just awful, that’s what!

Tracy:
My friend’s neighbor lost his house in a card game, better watch it!

Abraham:
No, ya don’t understand, I’m a-talkin’ missions—Mexico . . .

Billy (relieved):
Now, that’s one thing we do know all about. Our church is very involved in Mexico—yes, and in mission activities!

Tracy:
Exactly! And I will have you know, Mr. . . Mr. . . sorry, what was your name? Mr. . . . Gambler?

Abraham:
Abraham.

Tracy & Billy (together, shocked):
Abraham??

Abraham (nodding):
Yeppers, that there’s my name all right.

Tracy (accusingly):
How dare you have a name like Abraham—straight out of the Bible?

Helen (enters, joking):
You are out of the Bible? Must have been a tight fit . . . Get it? Outta the Bible? Tight fit? Get it?

Billy (groaning):
Yes, Helen, unfortunately I do get it. And as for this gentleman—and I use the term loosely—he, I will have you know, is a gambler!

Mary (enters, intrigued):
A gambler from the Bible? That would make your name Noah, definitely not Abraham.

Tracy (to Mary):
So anyhow, Mr. Abraham, I want you to understand something about . . . (pauses, glances at Mary) what do you mean that would make his name Noah?

Mary:
Think people . . . think! Did he, or did he not say he was from the Bible?

Billy:
Actually no, it was Tracy who said he was from the Bible.

Mary:
Well, there you go! In that case, his name is Ruth.

Abraham (protesting):
Say whoa there y’all! I ain’t no Noah, but shore as shootin’ I sure nuff ain’t no wimmen folk, no way, uh uh, noppers, no way ever not!

Mary:
Very well, as you wish—but I am convinced you are truly . . .

Abraham (firmly):
Don’t never you never go there, K?

Mary (smiling):
As you wish, Ruth.

Abraham (frustrated):
I said . . .

Helen (jumping in):
So if not Ruth or Noah, what is your name, cowboy?

Want to see how the story unfolds? DramaShare members get this complete script— and access to our entire library—absolutely free! Not a member? You can still grab this individual script and bring it to life.