I Have An Excuse

This powerful monologue explores a thought-provoking question: What if these people had made excuses?

Adam, Moses, Noah, Jonah, Ruth, Naomi, and Thomas—each was chosen by God for a purpose. But what if they had refused? What if they had let excuses stand in the way?

Has God chosen you for something, and have you responded with an excuse?

Run-Time: 5

Props: papers in hand

Sample of script:

The actor delays entrance for a few seconds, then rushes out, papers flying, upset and harried.)

ACTOR:
Hey, sorry I was a couple of seconds late, I . . (pauses) . . OK, a minute late. But I can explain—I have an excuse.

Traffic!

You would simply not believe the traffic! Eighth Street! McKnight Boulevard! Traffic backed up for blocks!

Sooo, anyhooooo, that’s the explanation for why I was a second . . (pauses) . . I mean, a minute late. But who’s counting?

Gotta tell ya, I have no idea why this town doesn’t do something about traffic—simply unacceptable is what. Can you just imagine how many people here (motions to include everyone) were delayed, were late, getting here today?

(Pauses, looks downstage.)

Only me?

You mean I was the only one late? You mean, all the rest of you guys were . . . hey, but look, I can explain—I have an excuse for being late! After all, I am clear over on the other side of town, Briarwood Estates—must be like, maybe, eight miles, across University Bridge!

(Pauses, looks downstage.)

Oh, yeh, that’s right—you live just down the street from me, don’t you?

You know, when you think of it, traffic is a good excuse. I mean, where would we be if we couldn’t blame our troubles on traffic? Yeh, kinda like I tried to do.

Go way back in history, say, like Adam and Eve. Adam is explaining to God why he didn’t keep Eve from picking that apple. What does Adam say?

“Hey, I have an excuse. I would have talked her out of it, honest, but here I was, stuck in traffic—what was I to do?”

Now, I’m not sure this would have been Adam’s exact words, you know, word for word, but you get the idea, right?

Or Moses—trying to explain to God why he isn’t the right guy to lead the Israelites to the Promised Land. Moses says:

“Don’t see how I can do it. Can you imagine the traffic out there in the desert? Me, I hate traffic! I have an excuse: two camels in a line-up, and I freak out!”

I mean, that kind of answer is better than just saying, “I really don’t want to.”

Or Noah—God is explaining to Noah about the creatures He wants in the ark. Noah says:

“Hey, whoa, time out! We best look at the logistics on this. You want pairs of all creatures that have the breath of life? That could amount to a gazillion creatures lining up, getting ready to go onto the boat . . . sorry, ark.

But can you imagine the traffic jam? I mean, our streets weren’t set up for this kind of traffic. I can see it all now—women heading to market, dodging crocodiles, sparrows, and sea otters that are lined up in the boarding lanes. Not a pretty sight.”

Same with Jonah. God wanted Jonah to go to Nineveh, tell the people about Him. But see, Jonah and the Israelites—they didn’t like Ninevites that much.

Though not exactly recorded in scripture, I heard that Jonah said:

“Nothing I would rather do than scoot on up to Nineveh, break bread with the Ninevites. But real bad timing—camel train traffic on the interstate is way bad! Besides, I have an excuse—my brother-in-law in Tarshish has opened an import food delicatessen, and I am just out the door for Joppa.

Give me a shout when I get back. If the traffic has improved, I will be there. Likely. . . mostly. . . likely.”

Or Ruth and her mother-in-law, Naomi.

See, Naomi decided to return to Israel after her husband and two sons died, leaving her with two daughters-in-law in a foreign land. When Naomi announced she was going back home, Ruth and the other daughter-in-law, Orpah, said:

“Hey, we will hang with you, let’s all go together, visit the family.”

So things were cool—until Naomi mentioned that she would be walking.

Orpah had expected they’d be taking the Super 8 Camel Connection, so she got a little uncomfy. Besides, Naomi’s folks were shepherds, and Orpah did a quick sheep allergy test—turns out she was it.

Orpah says:

“I just checked incoming traffic, and it’s not good. I’d love to be with you, Mom-in-law, dear—after all, hiking is my life—but maybe we oughta wait a year or two.”

When Ruth pushed her on this, Orpah said:

“It’s my excuse, and I am gonna stick with it.”

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