Have I Got A Pill For You

Have I Got A Pill For You

A not-so-famous TV game show prescribes pills for every ache, pain, and BLAH feeling. But through this silliness, we learn that it is God’s will and design for us to live a happy and healthy life.

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Message:

It is God’s will and design that we live a happy and healthy life.

Bible Reference:

• Ephesians 3

Cast:

• 4 actors (male or female)
• Off-Stage Narrator (N) – oily, slick, disgusting voice
• Rance Head – game show host
• Flora
• Jody

Set:

• Blank

Props:

• A very large pill (dog biscuit or larger)
• A large box

Sound Effects:

• Loud game show theme song (sound clip)
• Applause sound clip
• Taped clip of many voices: “What be ailing you?”
• Taped clip of many voices: “Have we got a pill for you!”

Lighting:

• Standard

Time:

• 7 minutes

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Script

(Lights up. Loud game show music plays. Narrator speaks.)

N: (slick, enthusiastic voice)
"And now, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, IWFYB Pharmaceuticals is pleased to present the almost famous game show . . .
‘Have I Got A Pill For You!’”

(Wild applause on tape.)

"And now, the star of our show, the man of whom the very President of the United States once said . . .
‘Who???’
Just kidding, just kidding . . .

Welcome if you will . . . the one, the only . . .
Rance . . . Head!”

(More wild applause as Rance runs on stage.)

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Introducing the Show

Rance: (excited)
"Good evening, game show junkies! And good evening to you, Bobby Gilbert!

Some of you good folks may not realize it, but this is a special, special occasion for our announcer, Bobby Gilbert.

Tonight marks his third anniversary on television!"

N: (overly proud)
"So nice of you to mention it, Rance Head.

Yes, tonight marks three weeks for me on the show.

I would like to thank all the little people in my life . . . my mom, Mrs. Wardler next door who used to babysit my cat, my barber, my . . ."

Rance: (interrupting)
"Yes, yes, well, let’s get on with the show!

Tell us, Bobby Gilbert, who is our first contestant tonight on . . .

‘Have I Got A Pill For You!’"

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The First Contestant

N:
"Our first guest tonight, Rance Head, is Mrs. Flora Reddekopp from Turkey Liver, West Virginia!

Let’s hear it for Fllllooooooooraaaaaaaaaaa!”

(Wild applause. Flora enters slowly, looking around, bewildered.)

Rance:
"Come on up here, Flora. Stand right here . . . no, here . . . no, on the spot on the floor . . . the other spot.

There we go.

Tell me now, Mrs. Reddekopp . . . may I call you Mrs. Reddekopp?"

Flora: (hesitantly)
"Uh, yes, yes, that will be fine, I mean . . ."

Rance:
"Super! Now then, Flora, tell me . . .

(All together now, audience . . .)"

(Taped clip plays:)
"What be ailing you?"

(Flora looks shocked.)

Flora:
"Uhhhh, well, it’s my knees . . . arthritis pain, especially in the morning when I . . ."

Rance: (interrupting, nodding dramatically)
"Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh . . . pain, arthritis . . ."
(Looks out into the audience.)

"What do you say, audience?"

(Cups hand to ear.)

(Taped clip plays:)
"Have we got a pill for you!"

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