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Have I Got A Pill For You
Have I Got A Pill For You
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Have I Got A Pill For You
A not-so-famous TV game show prescribes pills for every ache, pain, and BLAH feeling. But through this silliness, we learn that it is God’s will and design for us to live a happy and healthy life.
Message:
It is God’s will and design that we live a happy and healthy life.
Bible Reference:
- Ephesians 3
Cast:
- 4 actors (male or female)
- Off-Stage Narrator (N) – oily, slick, disgusting voice
- Rance Head – game show host
- Flora
- Jody
Set:
- Blank
Props:
- A very large pill (dog biscuit or larger)
- A large box
Sound Effects:
- Loud game show theme song (sound clip)
- Applause sound clip
- Taped clip of many voices: “What be ailing you?”
- Taped clip of many voices: “Have we got a pill for you!”
Lighting:
- Standard
Time:
- 7 minutes
Script
(Lights up. Loud game show music plays. Narrator speaks.)
N: (slick, enthusiastic voice)
"And now, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, IWFYB Pharmaceuticals is pleased to present the almost famous game show . . .
‘Have I Got A Pill For You!’”
(Wild applause on tape.)
"And now, the star of our show, the man of whom the very President of the United States once said . . .
‘Who???’
Just kidding, just kidding . . .
Welcome if you will . . . the one, the only . . .
Rance . . . Head!”
(More wild applause as Rance runs on stage.)
Introducing the Show
Rance: (excited)
"Good evening, game show junkies! And good evening to you, Bobby Gilbert!
Some of you good folks may not realize it, but this is a special, special occasion for our announcer, Bobby Gilbert.
Tonight marks his third anniversary on television!"
N: (overly proud)
"So nice of you to mention it, Rance Head.
Yes, tonight marks three weeks for me on the show.
I would like to thank all the little people in my life . . . my mom, Mrs. Wardler next door who used to babysit my cat, my barber, my . . ."
Rance: (interrupting)
"Yes, yes, well, let’s get on with the show!
Tell us, Bobby Gilbert, who is our first contestant tonight on . . .
‘Have I Got A Pill For You!’"
The First Contestant
N:
"Our first guest tonight, Rance Head, is Mrs. Flora Reddekopp from Turkey Liver, West Virginia!
Let’s hear it for Fllllooooooooraaaaaaaaaaa!”
(Wild applause. Flora enters slowly, looking around, bewildered.)
Rance:
"Come on up here, Flora. Stand right here . . . no, here . . . no, on the spot on the floor . . . the other spot.
There we go.
Tell me now, Mrs. Reddekopp . . . may I call you Mrs. Reddekopp?"
Flora: (hesitantly)
"Uh, yes, yes, that will be fine, I mean . . ."
Rance:
"Super! Now then, Flora, tell me . . .
(All together now, audience . . .)"
(Taped clip plays:)
"What be ailing you?"
(Flora looks shocked.)
Flora:
"Uhhhh, well, it’s my knees . . . arthritis pain, especially in the morning when I . . ."
Rance: (interrupting, nodding dramatically)
"Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh . . . pain, arthritis . . ."
(Looks out into the audience.)
"What do you say, audience?"
(Cups hand to ear.)
(Taped clip plays:)
"Have we got a pill for you!"
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