Christmas at WKRP

Radio at its best, straight out of Cincinnati!
Let's see, how does the old song go? . . . . .

Oh, yea . . . .

"Baby, have you ever wondered, wondered whatever became of me?"
Well, and you hear it here first . . . The wild and wacky world of WKRP in Cincinnati is back, but this time the radio station is going Christian format. All the characters, (Johnny Fever, Mr. Carlson, Les Nessman, Jennifer Marlowe, Herb Tarlack, Bailey Quarters, and all the rest), from the old TV show are here, (and they bring along some family members and friends), getting ready to kick off the new format with a Christmas special, and they run into the usual assortment of zany happenings.

It is set up as a dinner theatre script, with a break at approximately the midpoint.
Comes complete with elaborate suggestions and drawings for set design.

A very easily staged drama with new lyrics to the tune of the old WKRP theme song, (fake line sheet music included with script).

Bring along your off-the-wall sense of humor and have a riot staging a great outreach drama!

Cast: 20

• 17 are speaking parts, additional crowd parts available as unidentified family members
• Arthur (Big Guy) Carlson
• Carmen Carlson (wife)
• Arthur Carlson Jr. (Arthur’s son – likely teen)
• Johnny “Dr. Fever” Caravella
• Laurie Caravella (Johnny’s daughter – likely 30’s)
• Paula Caravella (Johnny’s ex-wife)
• Venus Flytrap
• Herb Tarleck
• Lucille Tarleck (Herb’s wife)
• Herb Tarleck Jr. (Herb’s son – likely teen)
• Les Nessman
• Lester Nessboy (likely teen to 20’s)
• Jennifer Marlowe
• Bailey Quarters
• Lillian “Mama” Carlson
• Hirsch the butler
• Charles von Sanker

Bible Reference:
Set: Can be as plain or extensive as you wish, see Addendum #2 in script, ON AIR and other radio type effects will enhance
Sound: wireless mics
Song: Live or pre-recorded music from WKRP theme song, sample at: http://www.elite.net/~gurpal/tv/wkrp.mid (see Addendum #1 in script)
Lighting: as available, at least one spotlight would be useful
SFX: none
Props: scroll
Costumes: try to recreate the types of clothing used on the TV show, but particularly:

• Herb Tarleck and Herb Jr. dressed in outlandish plaid suits
• Les Nessman and Lester Nessboy are very nerdy, both have bandaids onforeheads
• Hirsch is dressed as a butler
• Venus Flytrap has really wild flashy clothing

Special Instructions: Venus Flytrap, in the TV show was, of course African American. In this drama, some churches may not have access to an African American actor. This is the reason, on page 7 of this script, Venus says, “ .. . I been usin’ a new skin rinse.” This is done to facilitate, where necessary, the use of a white actor to play Venus Flytrap.

Time: 90

Sample of script:

Johnny comes on stage, looks around, shakes head, smiles, speaks

Johnny: Likely no one remembers me . . been a lot’a years . . .Folks change, new things and new people come along . .Not really sure if I should’a came back . . guess I wanted to see if folks might remember me . . or care . .I can hear it . . like it was yesterday . . .
sings, hesitatingly, slowly, looking around, as though remembering

Johnny: Baby if you've ever wondered,
Wondered what ever became of me.
I'm living on the air in Cincinnati,
Cincinnati WKRP.
Got kind of tired of packingAnd unpacking.
Town to town
Up and down the dial.
Maybe you and me were never meant to be,
But baby think of me once in a while.
I'm in WKRP in Cincinnati-.

Nah, likely no one will remember . . . likely all the old crowd has changed . . . This was a mistake . . best that I just go . . best that I . . .

looks around, smiles, sad smile, turns, walks to edge of stage, stops, looks back over shoulder, speaks

Johnny: But maybe . . . maybe someone in there just might emember . .What’s the difference . . . after all, I came this far . . . what's to lose . . .

lights up on Jennifer who is sitting at her desk typing, Johnny slowly moves toward Jennifer, looking around, reminiscing, Jennifer looks up, sees Johnny

Jennifer: Good morning sir, how can I help you?

Johnny: Wow. . things are . . . like. . not the same . . but . . . not like . . way different either.

Jennifer: Sir, you will have to be more clear . . you are sounding like Mr. Carlson, and one Mr. Carlson is quite enough, thank you so much! Now then, let’s try it again . . . may I help you sir?

Johnny: Hey, it like, can’t be . . is it?

Jennifer: That sir would depend a lot on the question, don’t you think? If the question were, “Is this a day ending in the letter ‘Y’ then the answer could indeed be, ‘it can’”.If, on the other hand, the question were, “do I have some spare change to help a down and out drifter,” the answer in fact would be “can’t be”.
So tell me Mr. Down and Out Drifter, which hand is the question on? (huge phoney smile) . . . Sir?

Johnny: That radiant doll can be no one other than the girl of my dreams, Jennifer Elizabeth Marlowe, gorgeous as ever, may I say?

Jennifer: Since every man with even the semblance of a pulse does in fact say so, yes you may also indeed say.
Obviously, since you were able to decipher my name on the nameplate on my desk, I can tell that you can read. Unfortunately, the unique assortment of “back to the fifties” necklaces and paraphernalia around your neck does not have your name on it so I am not able to tell what your name may or may not be. . . . . (huge phoney smile) . . . Sir.

Johnny: Jenny, Jenny, Jenny! It is good to hear those putdowns again!

Jennifer: Again? I think not! If by any unfortunate circumstance we had ever met previously you would know that the only thing I like less than being called Jenny is hearing oldies rock and roll.

Herb comes on stage, making eyes at Jennifer

Herb: Hey Jen, how’d’ya like the new threads?

Jennifer, moves to Herb, examines his suit, speaks to Johnny:
Excuse me, I correct myself . . there are two things I like less than being called Jenny.

Johnny: Herb Tarleck! Man, you have not changed one bit!