Celestial Bank

Welcome to the Celestial Bank—"the bank with a soul!" But be careful what you swipe for… this ATM doesn't just dispense cash—it dispenses truth!

This hilarious yet convicting comedy takes a sharp jab at greed and misplaced priorities. Dave just wants a quick $100, but the ATM has some tough questions and a surprising gift policy. From secret spending habits to stolen Rolexes, and a cop who’s had it with “talking machines,” this sketch brings laughs and reflection in equal measure.

Cast: 5 m or f

• Dave
• Susan
• Police Officer
• Jim
• OSV (Offstage Voice, m or f) ATM machine

Bible Reference: James 4:3

Set: street scene

Sound: wireless mics if available

Song: none

Lighting: standard

SFX: none

Props:

• Large cardboard appliance box big enough for a small adult or older child to fit inside unseen, with a small “drawer” that can slide in and out.  Box should be painted/labeled to resemble an ATM, with the words “CELESTIAL BANK – THE BANK WITH A SOUL.”

Costumes:

• Normal street clothes for Dave, Jim, and Susan.  Some sort of police uniform (badge, gun. etc.) for Police Officer.

Special Instructions:

• See “Props” above.  Actor inside box can also provide ATM “voice”, but it would need to be amplified.

Time: 10

Sample Script

(A street corner. A free-standing ATM bears the words: “CELESTIAL BANK – THE BANK WITH A SOUL.” Dave approaches and swipes his card.)

ATM VOICE:
Good morning, sir, and welcome to Celestial Bank. We’re the bank with a soul. How can I help you today?

DAVE:
Uh, yeah, I just need to get some cash.

ATM VOICE:
Certainly, sir. I see from your card your name is Dave. How much would you like, Dave?

DAVE:
Oh, I guess $100 should do it.

ATM VOICE (after a pause):
Hmm, that’s interesting…

DAVE:
What’s interesting?

ATM VOICE:
According to our records, we just gave you $100 yesterday.

DAVE (startled):
So what?

ATM VOICE:
Where did it all go, Dave? You’ve been playing the ponies, haven’t you?

DAVE:
How… how did you know that?

(Things spiral hilariously downward from there, with Dave’s watch mysteriously ending up in the hands of another customer and a very skeptical cop arriving just in time to drag poor Dave offstage.)

ATM VOICE:   We have an ATM at the race track, Dave.  And one at Chez Pierre, that expensive French restaurant downtown.  You took your secretary to lunch there this week.  Twice.  Does your wife know about that?

Dave is thoroughly confused and more than a little embarrassed.

DAVE:   Look, I really don't see how that's any of your business.  Can't I just have my money?  I’m kind of in a hurry.

ATM VOICE:   Say, that's a very nice watch you're wearing, Dave.  Is that a Rolex?

DAVE: Uh, yes.  Yes, it is.

ATM VOICE:  May I see it?

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