Appliance Prayer Guide

What is "worthwhile" praying about? What about a toaster versus a major appliance?

Should we pray over "things"? And is there a certain limit as to what is worth praying over? Does this comedy make a difference in how you look at situations?

Two off-the-wall skits point out our preconceived ideas about prayer.

Sample of script:

Each has two actors, no special setting or surroundings.

The Appliance Prayer Guide #1

Joe: Hey, Bill, how ya doin’ man?

Bill: Joey, ma boy! Long time, long time!

Joe: Has so too. Last year’s prayer retreat at Smoky Mountain Camp, that’s when!

Bill: Was so! So, anyhow, how’s things? I seem to recall us praying for you, oh, I remember, you were moving as I recall. How’s your new home?

Joe: Really quite good, actually. You know, a bunch of little problems here and there, nothing major, though.

Bill: “Bunch of little problems?” Tell me about them, Joe, me, and Jill we’d want to pray about it.

Joe: No, as I said, just little things, nothing worth bothering God about, doncha see?

Bill: I don’t understand Joe. Bible says we’re to bring all our concerns to God in prayer.

Joe: Well, way I see it, that’s just all wrong theology! What you’ve gotta have is a Prayer Procedure Policy.

Bill: Prayer Procedure Policy?

Joe: Yep, Prayer Procedure Policy. Gives guidelines on when you oughta pray and when you don’t. Bring your big problems to the Lord, don’t take up His time with the itty-bitty things, I always say.

Bill: I have never heard of anything like that! I mean, how would you break down whether a concern is big enough to bring to God in prayer, I mean . . . .

Joe: Simple! We just think of all our needs like they were appliances.

Bill: Appliances?

Joe: Yup!

Bill: What do you mean, you “think of all your needs like they were appliances?”

Joe: Simple. Let me show you. Suppose your washer/dryer’s acting up. What are you gonna do?

Bill: I’m not sure, call my friend, Charlie, the appliance repairman, I suppose.

Joe: Oh, sure, but first you’re gonna pray for the washer/dryer, right?

Bill: Uhhhh, yeh, yeh, I guess you’re right. Pray first, then call Charlie, the appliance repairman, yeh, I’m with you.

Joe: Now, then. S’pose your electric can opener is dead. What do you do then?

Bill: Well, I suppose I would pray for the electric can opener, then call my friend Charlie, the . . . .

Joe: Wrong! Bad wrong!

Bill: What do you mean, “bad wrong”?

Joe: I mean, bad wrong! First off, appliance repair guys charge a minimum of $45 just to look at an appliance. Why are you gonna lay out $45 or more when you can wander down to Wal-Mart, pick up a shiny new Zippo Under-The-Counter Style 3 Model can opener, just $22.98? Tax extra, mind you, but still . . .

Bill: I don’t believe this!... Zippo Style 3 can opener . . .

Joe: . . . just $22.98! Believe it! That’s the regular, everyday, low, low Wal-Mart price.

Bill: No, I mean, I don’t believe we are having this conversation. I thought we were talking about prayer. What’s a can opener got to do with not praying?

Joe: A lot, that’s what! Figure it out, Bill. If Charlie, the appliance repairman, who is a friend of yours, doesn’t see it worthwhile to mess with can openers, how d’ya figure it’s worthwhile for . . . Him?

Bill: For, . . . Him? Who’s Him?

Joe, points up: Him! Him!

Bill: You mean, . . . God?

Joe: Right ya are! Little Charlie don’t got time for can openers, no way Big
God’s got time, I always say!

Bill: I don’t get it! How do you know which appliances you should pray for
and which you shouldn’t?

Joe: Use yer noggin, Billy, ma boy! Say your freezer conks out. Go to God
right now!

Bill: I don’t believe I’m asking this question, but, what about vacuum cleaners?
Joe: Upright or canister?

Bill: What difference is it supposed to make whether it’s a . . .

Joe: Uprights you pray for, canisters you chuck.

Bill: This is all ridiculous, I mean . . .

Joe: Not ridiculous one little bit! Just pray for the big stuff: refrigerators,
central air conditioning . . 

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