Even The Devil Can't Win Them All

The account of the demon-possessed man from whom Jesus removed the legion demons. . . well, the story is kind of changed a bit, but the impact is the same.

A comedy with a message.

Cast: 2

• Satan
• Legion

Bible Reference: Mark 5:13

Set: standard

Sound: wireless mics if available

Song: none

Lighting: standard

SFX: none

Props:

• Computer or TV monitor

Costumes:

• could be demon costumes or contemporary clothing

Special Instructions: none

Time: 6

Sample of script:

Satan watching TV monitor, giggling, slapping his thigh in delight, dances

Satan:        Yes! . . . Another one bites the dust!

Satan watches some more

Satan, cheers:  This is almost too easy! . .  Those humans down there ain’t even a challenge anymore! . . like shootin’ fish in a barrel!
(mimes shooting a pistol)
There’s another guy cheatin’! . . And there’s one stealin’ from his boss! . .  And she is settin’ up her friend to look like a fool!
I love these loonie-tune humans, they just love to sin!

Legion comes on stage, Satan motions to him to come watch the TV

Satan:        Legion my friend! . .  Come on over here and see what we are doin’ down on earth!

Legion:       Yeh, Satan, I see that but . ..

Satan:        Awesome, ain’t it! . . . Jesus and the do-gooders have chance zero against us guys!

Legion:       Well, it’s nice to see we are havin’ some success but . . .

Satan:        But what Legion?

Legion:       Well, look, all I’m sayin’ is . . even Satan can’t win them all . . I mean . .

Satan, grabs Legion by collar, angry:
What . . exactly  . .  are you tryin’ to tell me Legion?
(sniffs, reacts to the smell)
And what is that . . . putrid smell? . .  Smells like you have been rollin’ around in . .  pig manure!

Legion:       Cool down man! . . I mean, I did what you asked me to do! . .

Satan:        Fine! . .  I am cool! . . .  I am waitin’ for an explanation,  . .  and it better be quick! . .  And it better be like real good news!

Legion:       Well, there’s some good news for sure . . and some not so very good news!

Satan:        I am warnin’ you Legion! . . You’ve got about 60 seconds to spit it all out! . .  What assignment were you on again?

Legion:       Well, I did like you said, went down to the Gadrenes district and found this fella . . big strong fella . .  and when I took over his mind and body he was like impossible for any human to handle!

Satan, rubs hands in glee:
Awesome man! . .  Didn’t I always say you were my number one weapon? . .  Go on . . go on!

Legion:       Yeh, well, anyhow, this fella started living in the tombs, on account of no one could live with him. More than once the locals tried to capture him, even bound him with chains, he just tore the chains apart and tore the irons off his feet. 24/7 he would cry out, weird like, even cutting himself with stones.

Satan, does a joyful dance:
Yes! . .  Yes! . .  Yes! . . .
(pauses, thinks)
Hey wait . .  How come you ain’t wearin’ your happy face here Legion?
Don’t go and tell me this story’s got bad news!

Legion:       Well, for a fact Satan . .  there is some bad news too . .

Satan, grabs Legion by the collar, shakes him:
I told you not to tell me there was bad news!

Legion, afraid: Sorry boss but about that time this guy and his friends come across the lake and my assignment guy went right after him!

Satan, fear:    Please don’t tell me this guy with his friends was . . Jesus . .!

Legion, cowering:  Actually boss, it was . .  like . .  Jesus . ..  actually . .

Satan, grabs Legion by the collar, shakes him:
I told you not to tell me this guy was . . Jesus!